January 24, 2021

It’s been so long since I sat down and blogged. I tend to do this. Have a massive long break then come back with a catch up post. I’ll be honest 2020 was not the year for jotting down my feelings. It was quite frankly a right off and one I really struggled with mentally. I didn’t want to write and certainly didn’t want to admit I was struggling with the situation. I’ve learnt to be honest with myself, I didn’t want a repeat of lockdown Version 1. I cried a lot last year, missed so many loved ones and friends and I struggled immensely with the feeling of not ever getting back to normal. 

We were teased with a sense of normality at the back end of 2020 and my highlight of the day was doing the school run and going into work where I got to have conversations with people. The world relaxed a little and although we still kept ourselves to ourselves and still isolated we were able to have back garden chats with family. We got so see people even if it wasn’t in the comfort of your home.  Within a few weeks that was snatched brutally away from us. We were plunged into tier 4 and then national lockdown. We were back where we started 10 months ago. 

My mental health really suffered. I struggled immensely and with the stress of lockdown and work I was at breaking point. I ended up leaving my job, I must of been mad, right before Christmas, but the moment I did I felt a sense of relief. It was scary and some people may call me stupid but something had to give and I wanted to be able to go a day without crying and feeling like a complete failure Luckily a week after walking out I started a new job. It works so well for us as a family, working from home so I am here for the children. 

I entered 2021 with a more positive perspective. I’ve made the effort to call/text people where as lockdown one I didn’t talk to anyone. Homeschooling and work is still a juggle and I promised myself I wouldn’t get anxious or stressed but that went out of the window day 2 of homeschooling but I am in a routine now that works so well for us as a family and I am finding it a lot more bearable. 

I am hoping I am going to start jotting down my thoughts once more. I miss it, I miss the sense of release it gives me. Last year I just struggled to do so. I am hoping to schedule a few days a months to post in advance. Schedule posts so I have a continuous stream of post going up. This being my first. If you don’t hear from me on here in a week or so you know it’s kind of failed! 

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